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i guess i can never be happy with myself.
when am ahead, i just really want to slow down and take it easy. and when am behind, all i really want to do is forge ahead.
there's like, no equilibrium. none at all.
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sunsets and sunrises, like chocolates and kisses, are always sweeter when they're shared. and are somehow always nicer overseas.
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listening to the cd you burnt me from half a year ago on a rainy day like this made me think about all the good times we had on the europe trip.
i miss all of it. especially paris. oh what i would give to live last june another time!
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Tuesday, March 20th, 2007
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it seemed like i was the stronger one, when i told you that i would be here if you needed me for anything at all.
thank you for being there when i needed you too. turns out am not that strong after all.
but i know we'll get through these tough times. we always do. =) and you just being here definitely helps.
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Wednesday, March 14th, 2007
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at the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. so this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. so we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. no matter how much we hurt them. the people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. and sure, sometimes close can be too close. but sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need. - grey's anatomy
so.
i'm here for you, whatever it is.
whenever you're ready, i'm here.
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i don't know what to write in here anymore.
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singapore isn't supposed to be this cold.
i want the sun back.
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Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
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been a tad sick and slept the entire day. now am too awake to sleep but too tired to do anything else. yawn.
knowing that you're being ignored; it's probably the worst feeling in the world.
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Saturday, February 17th, 2007
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They scrolled through the list of songs. There were more sad songs than happy ones, she said. And he asked why. Her theory was that no one bothers to remember the good and write about it. People cling on to unhappy memories, they wallow in self-pity and they want people to know that they’re having a bad time. He disagreed, and said that the songs, if only she had a different perspective, weren’t meant to be sad. They were just about insecurities.
Whatever those songs meant, the point is we’ve been conditioned. We’re made aware that horrible things happen. Broken dreams, shattered relationships and empty promises. And they’re everywhere. They’ve happened to these people who write these depressing songs, they’ve happened to our friends and you would think you would know better. You would think you would be ready when it happens to yourself.
Sometimes I wonder, if we knew that everything was so fragile, if we knew that everything we’ve got was only meant to be lost, then how is it that we’re almost always never prepared for the moment when it really happens?
ok i wrote this in word and hence there the absence of my typical start-the-sentence-without-caps habit. i think the rainy weather has made me a tad contemplative. not that anything's bad happened to me at the moment. am happy with my life and everything i've got in it. i think i've learnt to treasure the good more, because it can be so easily taken away.
i didn't mean to sound sombre with the coming cny and all! haha. so happy new year everyone! enjoy the holidays, since it's term break too anyway!
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Thursday, February 15th, 2007
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effort is wayyyyyy underrated.
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Saturday, February 10th, 2007
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did a 2.4km jog-walk with chel this morning at pierce, and it was pretty nice getting out there and finally doing some exercise. next week we're gonna try and run the path. haha. right on our way to keeping tremedously fit!
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Thursday, February 1st, 2007
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here i sit at my desk surrounded by a colosseum (oh how i miss rome!) of foolscap papers scrawled in my ugly handwriting all over the table. international finance is too hard and i am officially sick of trying to decipher what is PPP and IRP and CIP and UIA and BOP and how they are all inter-related. or not.
help! my mid-term is on saturday!
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Sunday, January 28th, 2007
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must.get.away.from.the.internet.
msn is an eveeeeel thing.
i need to ace my international finance mid term on saturday. because it is 20% of my grades and i will be fucked if i don't do well. by do well i mean 100% because the questions are apparently very easy and one mistake could potentially cost you an entire grade.
and i have just spent the last 4 hours with my foreign currency derivative notes in front of me, untouched because i have been online msning the entire time.
help. i still don't understand a lot of this finance shit. how to get full marks like that!
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Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
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copious amounts of international finance homework has left me in a bizarre state of ambivalence about my regretfully irreversible choice of a dastardly finance major.
ack.
on a completely different note, i think sometimes it's good to take heart, and keep the faith. faith that everything will turn out alright in the end, faith that things will eventually fall into place, faith that there's some good in our lives to hang on to for now, and faith that the sun will still shine again tomorrow, even though it might just be a little stormy today.
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Saturday, January 20th, 2007
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it's really better, that you want to be serious about it. it's always better to care, than not to care. though it hurts, and you feel like a fool.
i guess that's pretty true. thank you.
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Monday, January 15th, 2007
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after fixed income today i met hans for abit for coffee in raffles city, and after walking around for awhile he ended up spending 400 bucks at g2000. lol. hans is so easy to talk to, and i hope i get to see him again before he leaves.
and jun called me today! from the airport during his stopover from adelaide, and announced that he had gotten a high distinction for the thesis he did for his masters! awesomes awesomes. and i liked to think i helped because i edited some of it for him. heh. good job, my friend!
felt a tad edgy and unwell after dinner. and then i learnt never to underestimate the power of your phonecall. lol.
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Thursday, January 11th, 2007
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it was in the middle of the afternoon in venice, just after we settled ourselves down for a meal at an alfresco cafe. i had a sudden craving for ice cream, and you brought me round one of the narrow alleys to a little shop. a scoop for one euro, you said. then you got tempted too even though you had just ordered food for lunch. the scoops were huge; almost twice the size of a normal ice cream scoop. our turn came at the counter; i got caramel, and you got vanilla. after fishing out 2 euros from your pockets, we stood there for a moment, right in front of the little ice cream shop, savouring the ice creams in the afternoon heat, and laughing at our unbelievable fortune of having the tastiest and cheapest gelato in the world.
the sky was filled with clouds when we returned to the eiffel. we found a spot on the grass, a few feet from the bottom of the eiffel, and parked ourselves there for a while. i was my usual shutter-crazy self, snapping away at the lawns and the people and the trees and the sky. i wanted to keep the memories, to be able to see them next time. you, on the other hand, had sprawled across the grass, using my bag as a headrest, and had drifted off into a world of your own. you always preferred to enjoy the moment, to live in it. i saw how serene you looked, and i decided to drift off to sleep too. but i kept fidgeting and decided to take my camera out again. you turned to look at me with half-opened eyes, and then you took out your camera too. i laughed, because you had caved in to my whimsical habits, and we started taking silly pictures; i remember the hand-on-the-eiffel shot. you lamented about the weather, and commented that my shots would turn out much prettier if the sky had been cloudless. just in front of us, a couple enjoyed a little moment of their own, arms entwined and heads side-by-side.
and you ask who would live in any moment more than once? i just did.
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Saturday, January 6th, 2007
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'it's funny. you love something and then one day it's suddenly gone or changed or lost forever. but somehow that doesn't stop your love. maybe that's how you know it's the real thing. when it doesn't come with conditions and get-out clauses, when it doesn't have a best-by date. when you just give your love, and never stop giving it, and know that you never will. that's when it is real. that's when they can never touch it or spoil it or take it away from you.'
- extract from 'one for my baby' by tony parsons.
jonny lent me the book, and i must say i wasn't a huge fan of it, even after i was done reading it. it was way too depressing. but some paragraphs were pretty strong and conveyed certain emotions, and this was one of them. i don't know why am such a fan of absolute declarations of the meaning of true love just like this one, but it somehow resonates and i just want to share it with everyone else.
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Thursday, December 28th, 2006
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been back for a while now and while am glad to be home, am missing my holiday too. i had a great time with the family, and if am in the mood, pictures will come soon. =)
it's nearing the end of the year now, and what a run it has been. i remember trix once said, that if you've got a smile on your face at christmas, you've made it thru the year and it wasn't too bad after all. and i did have a smile at christmas. 2006 has been amazing; i recalled it starting off not-to-well, and then everything just got better and better and am happy with how everything's turned out.
2007's going to be one hell of a challenge, with the moving on into the next phase of life. i just hope i start dreading it less, and learn how to embrace it more, as the time approaches.
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Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
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great past few days just chillin' and chillin' and running errands which i enjoy because i get to drive. haha. supper last night with jon, d and d's brother. d leaves today for the nam! and i leave tmr! anyway i've been wanting a short hiatus for awhile and the vacation is the perfect way to do just that.
back on the 23rd! till then, don't miss me! =)
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